A Turkey to Thaw and No Duct Tape

No, I don’t use duct tape on the turkey–I’m just living in horror that we don’t seem to have any in the house.  Duct tape, that is.  We’ve got turkey.  A big ol’ boy kind of turkey.

Last night I crunched the numbers and realized that no way, no how was  he going to thaw before prep time.  The twenty-three pounds of tryptophanic nap-inducing goodness would have to be dealt with in a more aggressive fashion.  Since we don’t have a cooler big enough to fit the bird, I plopped him in the sink.  He didn’t technically fit there, either, as it was a bit shallow, but I thought I’d just get up and switch the water out every hour (yes, They say every 30 minutes, but COME ON).

Then I discovered that the water was draining from the sink, despite the presence of a plug.  During the day, who cares–but I wanted to sleep.

So I put the turkey in the bath tub.  I was even food-poisoning paranoid enough (have you HAD it?) to check the temp of the water, stay up for an hour, and check it again.  No change.  I tossed the freezer bucket of ice cubes in for good measure, shut the door to keep heat from trickling in, and went to bed wondering why I hadn’t just left it in the fridge.  That’s the power of the Butterball guide to thawing–someone there is probably chuckling over the thought of people like me hanging over bath tubs or getting up in the night to care for a dead bird.

And, for the curious among you, after 5 hours in the cold water tub bath, the temp of the water had only risen 1 degree.  Crazy cold, it was.

Any turkey-thawing adventure stories for me?  Anyone find a way to use duct tape to speed up the process?

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14 Responses to A Turkey to Thaw and No Duct Tape

  1. We usually brine ours, so it goes in a big bucket filled with water, salt, ice and stuff. Apparently that show “The New Girl” suggests putting it in your dryer, but I would question the wisdom of that.

    • marriedminds says:

      The dryer?? One wonders why the washing machine wouldn’t come to mind BEFORE the dryer;). I’ve pondered brining, but am not with-it enough (obviously!) to have done it.

      • It’s sooooooo good! If we were doing Thanksgiving ourselves this year, we’d be doing it again. The turkey comes out so tasty and juicy! We use the Alton Brown version, because Gavin is a (recovering) Food Network junkie.

      • marriedminds says:

        I just recently (I know, I know) discovered the joy of Food Network recipes. Last year’s turkey was the best yet (of mine, that is!), so I’ll just do the same for this year. Since Dean’s company gives everyone a turkey (soooo thankful for that!!!), I’m the default turkey-gal. Which is ironic, because I’d be just as happy to have something else (sacrilege!).

        Enjoy having someone else cook, though:). Have a gloriously lazy time of it!

      • Oh I plan to!! Gavin baked the pecan pie last night (I can’t believe he trusts me at home all day with a pecan pie…. must…. resist……) and he’s doing the pumpkin pie tonight. So nice to not have to worry about anything else!!

      • marriedminds says:

        I can’t believe he trusts you with that, either! I’d for sure have nibbled an edge-dwelling pecan by now;).

      • Ack! Don’t tempt me!!!

  2. Lisa Kilcup Buchanan says:

    Nice thought with the bath tub and all. I would have just panicked and walked briskly around the kitchen in circles. (I learned the circle technique from Trevor. If he’s circling he either has to A. Go to the bathroom. or B. Something is troubling him. or C. Both) Hope it’s delicious and you guys have a great Thanksgiving!

    • marriedminds says:

      Well, I DID pace between the kitchen and poor sleeping Dean, waking him up to tell him that the sink was draining. You can imagine how much input I got–I think he managed to open his eyes. I guess our no-heat bathroom finally served a purpose other than making me huddle under the spray for the first 10 minutes of my shower.

      That pacing in circles is a good one, actually–everyone here would probably be thrilled if I kept my mouth shut while I was freaking out about something;).

      Happy T-day to you as well–say hi to everyone and pass out hugs as appropriate;).

  3. Brooke says:

    Kirsten! I wanted to hear a story about how you made your kids kill the turkey with duct tape as a home school lesson. Shoot! But thawing your turkey in the bathtub is almost as good : ) Did you bleach the tub before and after? Mine sat outside brining in a box my in-laws brought over. And then when I tried to carry the box across the yard to dump out the brine away from the house, it spilled all over my workout pants and shoes. And I did not go change. If only I’d had some duct tape to put around the box and keep it from leaking!

    • marriedminds says:

      Hahaha! I think strangling a turkey with duct tape is beyond even this duct-tape diehard;). Nope, no bleach beforehand–although I did check the bag thoroughly for holes first. I did scrub the tub before giving the kids a bath, though, which makes no sense, but welcome to my life:).

      I love that you didn’t change. That perfectly describes why we’re friends. Yes, I just relegated our friendship to brine-soaked shoes;). And yes, duct tape would’ve saved you!

  4. Angie W. says:

    I don’t really have anything to say but I thought you’d like to know that I read and enjoyed your story. :).

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